Rest in Peace Coleen Grissom

January 9, 1934 - January 28, 2024

Dr. Coleen Grissom was there for me at the beginning, at Trinity University, and I was humbled to be there for her, at the end, as one of her eulogists, following her passing in 2024. My remarks are below.

The final time I spoke to Coleen was when I called last month to wish her a happy birthday. We got into a bit of a disagreement over how old she was. She won, of course, but for the first time, I think, I was right.

It doesn’t matter. I always thought she was the same age, from the day I met her, until the day she died. That’s why even though everybody dies, I just always figured she would get an exception. Coleen often used to quote Mark Twain, saying: I hate it when people say nice things about me, because it is never enough.

Well, Coleen, I’ve been given three minutes. As you’d say: “I better get crackin’.” Funny that we never ever said it to one another, but Coleen and I really loved each other. I also always suspected she loved my wife, Donna, even more, because, well, that’s what she regularly told me. Mind you, Donna’s favorite Coleen quote was: Men, you can’t live with them – so I don’t.

My personal friend, my professional mentor, I worked with Coleen for over ten years and was her friend for over 30. Indeed, I was hired by her twice and promoted by her twice. The second time she hired me was in 1994 after a two-year hiatus. I often spoke of the poor, poor soul who would unwittingly have to follow Dean Grissom in her rather large footsteps. In 1999 she called me into her office and said she would be stepping down in a year and promoting me to Dean of Students. As a savvy professional, my response was what one would expect. I said: “But I don’t want to be the Dean of Students.” Our negotiations were brief. She simply said: “It will be fine.” And it mostly was.

Dr. Grissom was the most influential mentor in my life. In my work, I live by her values about being authentic, transparent, and vulnerable. Other things she role modeled, or taught me, included being comfortable with ambiguity, taking safe risks, being assertive, when to use humor (a work in progress), the importance of expressing gratitude, and of course, and maybe most importantly, eschewing the passive voice.

She was mission and student centered – and if you wanted to work for her, you better darn well be too. Most impressively, Dr. Grissom was a social justice champion well before her time. In her speeches to parents of incoming students, she would often say: if you are narrow-minded, racist, sexist, or homophobic – and junior is a chip off the old block – then maybe this isn’t the right place for him or you.

Coleen loved people or made them think she did. She knew how to get almost anything done -- or to let someone overcharge her to do it. If you were lucky enough to be seated as a guest at a dinner table with Coleen, it was a relief, as you knew you wouldn’t have to do any of the conversational lifting.

In the first full staff meeting of the division I ever attended, the icebreaker from Dean Grissom was to have the veterans go around and offer a word of advice on how to best work with her. Pete Neville said: “Just remember, whenever Coleen is joking, she is also telling the truth.”

I wish someone had also warned to never say to her “can I give you some feedback.” When I did that, the only time, early in my career, she simply said: “Do I seem like someone who takes feedback?” Noted. But I do think we got along so well, because by-and-large, we agreed about everything.

We all know that Dr. Grissom was an exceptional orator. She told me more than once that she used to feel like throwing up before every speech. I trust her on that, though I can’t believe it. She worked for hours, pouring over every word, phrase, sentence, and detail. And she practiced. A lot. She knew she was good. Whenever I complimented her on her speeches, she would often reply: “I’m something, aren’t I?”

When she told me she was writing a book with all of her speeches, and then published two follow-ups, I thought it was a bit of hubris at the time, but of course she knew what she was doing. Coleen took a little bit from each of us, and gave us so much in return. These books see to that. I am so grateful for them. At one point she said to me, in compiling her speeches “who did I think I was?” But then she laughed. She knew.

I can say confidently, that bar none, she was the wittiest person I have ever known. Coleen would often narrate her thoughts, such as: “I’m at least somewhat bright, have a sensational sense of humor, and terrific hair.”

I saved some of my favorite notes and emails she sent me while I worked for her. Here are just a few things she wrote me:

 - In responding to an email draft I wrote: “I would urge you to make these final corrections in grammar: one does not begin noun clauses with subordinating conjunctions… (this went on for a while). I think you should use “I” instead of “we” in all those sentences following paragraph two, which should be “us” as with the last paragraph. Gee, I think it would have taken less time for me to write this myself.”

- And again, having not learned my lesson, she made it even clearer, in her edits to me: “At the very end, since you do not have a tapeworm and are not pregnant, use I instead of we.”

- Another: “Sandy dropped me off early to the movie so I had to loiter around the theater and was afraid people would think I was a prostitute – instead I was mistaken for a homeless person. But that’s another story.”

- And finally, she always closed her speeches with some quotes from others, so I chose these. Doing this, by the way, is not my drift, so apologies for my poor cadence. But these are for her after all:

-  From CS Lewis, this is a quote she often cited: “Use French when you don’t know the English word for a thing. Walk with your toes out, and remember who you are.” (I had to have her explain that to me more than one, by the way.)

-  From Author Margaret Atwood about Coleen: “If more were like her the world would be a much better-read place It would also be funnier, smarter, more compassionate, and dare I say, even quirkier than it is. Everyone who knows Ms. Grissom has been improved by the experience. Though not always in the ways they expected.”

- From Keep Me in Your Heart by Warren Zevon
Shadows are fallin’ and I’m running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There’s a train leavin’ nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for a while

- Last, from the conclusion of her farewell speech as an administrator to colleagues in April 2000:

“So here it comes, once more with feeling y’all: don’t you dare run off screaming into the woods. Hang in. Learn to laugh at absurdity. Don’t let anyone make you a victim, don’t perceive yourself as a victim, and don’t you dare victimize anyone else. Become, for God’s sake all that you are capable of being. Keep yourself from taking that dreadful plunge off that cliff and while you are at it, keep an eye out for others and assist them when you can. I will always hope and pray that you will take with you, when you leave this place, Trinity University, a healthy respect and belief in yourself as well as respect for others, even those very different from you. I am hoping you will become a good writer and a true friend. I am counting on it. Lord how I love this place. I thank you. I love you. I wish you all Godspeed.”