ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I have many to thank for their roles in my journey from a Hall Director to an Interim and Associate VP. and shaping me as a professional and person. So I acknowledge some of those people here. Apologies for those I have missed:

To Susan Winter, Rich Egley, Coleen Grissom, and Felicia Lee, who served as mentors and offered me their guidance, leadership, and friendship. 

To all of the colleagues I worked with in Student Affairs/Student Life over the years. So many hall directors, area coordinators, assistant and associate directors, to mention some. These people were my people. We shared incredible challenges, successes, and traumas. I could fill a book, but want to shout out Jeff Janz, Rhonda Viney, Peg Layton, Karen Pennington, Pete Neville, Katharine Martin, Gary Neal, Richard Reams, Betty Curry, Enna Phearse, Stephen Nickle, Ankita Rakhe, Edwin Blanton, JaNay Queen, Brian Hirsch, Twyla Hough, Raphael Moffett, Ben Newhouse, Alex Serna-Wallender, Jamie Thompson, Wanda Olson, Clara Wells, Megan Kruse, Sheryl Tynes, Gage Paine, and Thurman Adkins. And maybe one hundred more.

To those who endured me in a support role, including Bonnie Trabucco, Brenda Black, Lynette Kenyon, Kris Weese, Merideth Ruiz, Leslie Orman, Ruby Contreras, Christina Castillo, and Yvonne Gonzalez. 

To all of the colleagues I worked with outside of Student Affairs. These people endured my bossiness, persistence, and successful and unsuccessful attempts at humor. Especially in meetings. These include, but are in no way limited to, John Greene, Paul Chapa, Pete Perez, Melvin McGarity, Tim O'Sullivan, Andrew Hanson, Steve DiPrima, Cory Bourg, Charles Gonzalez, Paul McGinlay, Christina Pikla, Denise Covert, Bob King and his coaching staff, Fred Rodriguez, Fred Zapata, Chris Nolan, Eric Maloof, Justin Doty, Chris Ellertson, Aspen, Gonzalez, Ruben Duprtuis, Dennis Massey, Bruce Bravo, and so, so many more.

To the Trinity faculty as a whole. So many times I leaned on them to serve on committees, participate in programs, and offer there expertise. What is more, when I was working with students in distress, I knew I could talk to professors who would do everything possible to give student individual attention and support. Professor John Hermann once, of his own volition, decided to drive a student halfway to Houston to connect that student with family. 

To Rick Roberts. 

To the presidents, all of whom were very good to me and my family: Ron Calgaard, John Brazil, Dennis Ahlburg, Mike Fischer, and Danny Anderson. 

To my compadres in the Associated Colleges of the South. Deans-Like-Me gathered annually to discuss out lives in parallel universes. Some include Brit Katz, Carol Casey, Randy Hays, Steve Bisese, Jerry Brody, Tom Shandley, Dawn Watkins, Len Goldberg, Harry Shucker, and Dudley Long. 

To all of those who played noonball and IM basketball under the name of The Administrators with me. These names are memorialized on a plaque in the Bell Center citing the Noonball Hall of Fame of Basketball. I think immediately of Maury Eggen, Phil Blum, Mark Lewis, and of course, Taz. Likewise, to all of the students, faculty, and staff members who participated in my Running With the Dean program and the Dean of Students Half Marathon Challenge and Kayla Mire food drive - nearly 1,000 people in all. 

To the Dog Jurgens.

To all of the parents of Trinity University students. In various eras we communicated over list-servs and other formats and we met in receptions, at orientations, when students were in trouble, and when students were troubled. I have to acknowledge Kevin Reinis, Katie Byrnes, and Robert Foye. I always loved working with our parents, and it wasn't always easy for many of us. But the investment of time, money, and emotional energy was something I hopefully always respcted. Thank you or everything and apologies as well. 

To the Trinity alumni. So many who I met as students have turned into really good lifelong friends. Without fail, regardless of our reasons for meeting, positive or negative, I feel like when we enjoy one another or meet in fly-bys, we always connect around our shared experiences. I have hugged it out with more alumni who I oversaw their firing or suspensions than I can count. A

Likewise, to the students. The reason why I did what I did. I like to think I was student-centered, in small individual ways, and in administrative and policy decision-making. The members of ASR, SGA, Student Court, Student Conduct Board, those who served as the wonderful Resident Assistants of Trinity University, and all of our awesome babysitters. I love you all for our time in the trenches and lifelong relationships. And to the many students who were so bright, fun, engaging, and touched my life in ways big and small. And finally to the souls we lost among them. 

To the Hall Director staff at SUNY New Paltz who let me in and brought me joy, includiung Christine Wilson, Teresa Brown, Robin Parr, Rachel Harris, Britt Lindhom, Fatima deCarvalho, Patrick Tremblay, Patrick Eye, and Jeanine Belton.

To Brit Katz abd the team at Southwestern University who brought me on as an Interim VP for Student Life. It was the perfect encore and curtain call and gave me my mojo back. Shelley Story, Bri Pierce, Evan Alexander, Col Roche, Anna Castillo, Jeff Doyle, Malissa Ismaila, Sergio, Ron Swain, Stefanie Alvarez, and Sonia Miranda. I loved our year together. You were so committed, so good, and so damn fun.

To the Southwestern faculty and staff who accepted me in my interim arole fter my Trinity retirement. I loved my staff colleagues and the faculty members, as at Trinity, were outstanding. 

And finally, to my wife, Donna Tuttle. She married a Residential Life Coordinator and ended up with an Associate VP and Dean of Students. She moved to Texas, worked part-time and raised the kids while I worked and was away at many weekend and nighttime activities and crises. Not sure she anticipated all that. 

She had to pretend to be interested when people said good things about me. She supported me when they were mean. She sacrificed and lived on campus (for 30 years) where she raised our family. She was, and is, the foundation of the family including four children and now a few grandchildren. She helped me when my confidence and self-doubt were at my lowest. That was a lot of times and often very traumatic. I love her so much.

There is no me without all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

THE END

Dean Grissom made a living of being an outstanding orator and writer. I had things to say, but could never do it her way, so I didn't.

As a Dean of Students I thought the worst thing I could do was be unknown to students. Overseeing the RAs, advising student government, and running the student conduct boards gave me a running start. The Dean of Students Half Marathon Challenge was another way to meet groups of students as was the Grief Group. I also had endless encounters with students going through highs and lows and built many strong and lasting relationships with the as they are now alumni.

I wanted something else, though. So I started by writing columns in the Trinitonian. Dr. Grissom once made a remark about them that made me think she didn't like them. I think it may have been my writing skills, but some things are better left alone, so I never asked.

I did several TV shows on Tiger TV including The YASR Show and Who Sole That Train. The former a live call in show, still in the era of landlines. (Somewhat relatedly, for the future though, I recorded video interviews with several Trinity elders. I hope these are uncovered one day in the bowels of University Archives -- currently their whereabouts are unknown.) 

I felt like I hit my stride with the Dean's List blog. I could tell the Trinity story my way, and informally. Perhaps when another volume tome of Trinity University is written (probably by a robot) the blog will provide some unique and unofficial perspectives. After retiring, I did some writing for parent publications and have preserved those as well

So, I have archived my Trinitonian posts, my blog, parent articles, some pieces related to my departure, and even my resume, in four separate volumes, which I have for now. (Two volumes gifted to me by my staff when I retired, a third volume that includes missed posts and parent articles, and a fourth with my Trinitonian columns and glory pieces (about leaving). These will go to my son Nathan one day, and maybe, if anyone else cares, to the Trinity University library. He'll know what to do.

I am grateful to the presidents and vice presidents (save one) who allowed me the freedom and space to write about hat I wanted to, the way I wanted to. I am grateful to my staff, who offered abundant technical support. I owe much to my many friends and colleagues who proofread my posts (some ultimately not published as a result, and some seriously altered.) I am forever grateful to my wife Donna, a journalism and english savant. Like Dr. Grissom, I am not sure she loved me doing this and laying myself (and my family and others) bare with transparency, vulnerability, and authenticity. She never let me off the hook with her opinions and told me what I didn't want to hear on many occasions. As with everything else in our relayionship, she knew what I needed. She saved me from myself.

Finally, I want to acknowledge everyone who let me write about them and their stories - most often about  resilience and redemption. Professor Bob Blystone, on his retirement once responded to some glowing statement I made about Trinity University. He said "What is Trinity University? It isn't real. It's the people here that are real and make this place what it is." 

Thank you, Trinity University.  

Rest in Peace Coleen Grissom

January 9, 1934 - January 28, 2024

Dr. Coleen Grissom was there for me at the beginning, at Trinity University, and I was humbled to be there for her, at the end, as one of her eulogists, following her passing in 2024. My remarks are below.

The final time I spoke to Coleen was when I called last month to wish her a happy birthday. We got into a bit of a disagreement over how old she was. She won, of course, but for the first time, I think, I was right.

It doesn’t matter. I always thought she was the same age, from the day I met her, until the day she died. That’s why even though everybody dies, I just always figured she would get an exception. Coleen often used to quote Mark Twain, saying: I hate it when people say nice things about me, because it is never enough.

Well, Coleen, I’ve been given three minutes. As you’d say: “I better get crackin’.” Funny that we never ever said it to one another, but Coleen and I really loved each other. I also always suspected she loved my wife, Donna, even more, because, well, that’s what she regularly told me. Mind you, Donna’s favorite Coleen quote was: Men, you can’t live with them – so I don’t.

My personal friend, my professional mentor, I worked with Coleen for over ten years and was her friend for over 30. Indeed, I was hired by her twice and promoted by her twice. The second time she hired me was in 1994 after a two-year hiatus. I often spoke of the poor, poor soul who would unwittingly have to follow Dean Grissom in her rather large footsteps. In 1999 she called me into her office and said she would be stepping down in a year and promoting me to Dean of Students. As a savvy professional, my response was what one would expect. I said: “But I don’t want to be the Dean of Students.” Our negotiations were brief. She simply said: “It will be fine.” And it mostly was.

Dr. Grissom was the most influential mentor in my life. In my work, I live by her values about being authentic, transparent, and vulnerable. Other things she role modeled, or taught me, included being comfortable with ambiguity, taking safe risks, being assertive, when to use humor (a work in progress), the importance of expressing gratitude, and of course, and maybe most importantly, eschewing the passive voice.

She was mission and student centered – and if you wanted to work for her, you better darn well be too. Most impressively, Dr. Grissom was a social justice champion well before her time. In her speeches to parents of incoming students, she would often say: if you are narrow-minded, racist, sexist, or homophobic – and junior is a chip off the old block – then maybe this isn’t the right place for him or you.

Coleen loved people or made them think she did. She knew how to get almost anything done -- or to let someone overcharge her to do it. If you were lucky enough to be seated as a guest at a dinner table with Coleen, it was a relief, as you knew you wouldn’t have to do any of the conversational lifting.

In the first full staff meeting of the division I ever attended, the icebreaker from Dean Grissom was to have the veterans go around and offer a word of advice on how to best work with her. Pete Neville said: “Just remember, whenever Coleen is joking, she is also telling the truth.”

I wish someone had also warned to never say to her “can I give you some feedback.” When I did that, the only time, early in my career, she simply said: “Do I seem like someone who takes feedback?” Noted. But I do think we got along so well, because by-and-large, we agreed about everything.

We all know that Dr. Grissom was an exceptional orator. She told me more than once that she used to feel like throwing up before every speech. I trust her on that, though I can’t believe it. She worked for hours, pouring over every word, phrase, sentence, and detail. And she practiced. A lot. She knew she was good. Whenever I complimented her on her speeches, she would often reply: “I’m something, aren’t I?”

When she told me she was writing a book with all of her speeches, and then published two follow-ups, I thought it was a bit of hubris at the time, but of course she knew what she was doing. Coleen took a little bit from each of us, and gave us so much in return. These books see to that. I am so grateful for them. At one point she said to me, in compiling her speeches “who did I think I was?” But then she laughed. She knew.

I can say confidently, that bar none, she was the wittiest person I have ever known. Coleen would often narrate her thoughts, such as: “I’m at least somewhat bright, have a sensational sense of humor, and terrific hair.”

I saved some of my favorite notes and emails she sent me while I worked for her. Here are just a few things she wrote me:

 - In responding to an email draft I wrote: “I would urge you to make these final corrections in grammar: one does not begin noun clauses with subordinating conjunctions… (this went on for a while). I think you should use “I” instead of “we” in all those sentences following paragraph two, which should be “us” as with the last paragraph. Gee, I think it would have taken less time for me to write this myself.”

- And again, having not learned my lesson, she made it even clearer, in her edits to me: “At the very end, since you do not have a tapeworm and are not pregnant, use I instead of we.”

- Another: “Sandy dropped me off early to the movie so I had to loiter around the theater and was afraid people would think I was a prostitute – instead I was mistaken for a homeless person. But that’s another story.”

- And finally, she always closed her speeches with some quotes from others, so I chose these. Doing this, by the way, is not my drift, so apologies for my poor cadence. But these are for her after all:

-  From CS Lewis, this is a quote she often cited: “Use French when you don’t know the English word for a thing. Walk with your toes out, and remember who you are.” (I had to have her explain that to me more than one, by the way.)

-  From Author Margaret Atwood about Coleen: “If more were like her the world would be a much better-read place It would also be funnier, smarter, more compassionate, and dare I say, even quirkier than it is. Everyone who knows Ms. Grissom has been improved by the experience. Though not always in the ways they expected.”

- From Keep Me in Your Heart by Warren Zevon
Shadows are fallin’ and I’m running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There’s a train leavin’ nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for a while

- Last, from the conclusion of her farewell speech as an administrator to colleagues in April 2000:

“So here it comes, once more with feeling y’all: don’t you dare run off screaming into the woods. Hang in. Learn to laugh at absurdity. Don’t let anyone make you a victim, don’t perceive yourself as a victim, and don’t you dare victimize anyone else. Become, for God’s sake all that you are capable of being. Keep yourself from taking that dreadful plunge off that cliff and while you are at it, keep an eye out for others and assist them when you can. I will always hope and pray that you will take with you, when you leave this place, Trinity University, a healthy respect and belief in yourself as well as respect for others, even those very different from you. I am hoping you will become a good writer and a true friend. I am counting on it. Lord how I love this place. I thank you. I love you. I wish you all Godspeed.”

Parent Article: Conversation starters

I recently had a great conversation with my daughter when she came home from college for a visit. I tried this new craze among parents, often referred to as “listening.” This can be hard as a parent. If you are anything like me, and I hope you are not, it is much easier to unburden yourself by passing your parental to-do list to your student: Register for classes, find a place to live next year, get a summer job, get good grades, get an internship, and most importantly, clean your room. You only get one shot sometimes as they head out the door.

As you prepare for your student to be home for the summer, even if it is just a little while, consider making your to-do list things that matter more to them. When I listened to my daughter, I found that this teenager was actually growing, slowly but surely, into a self-actualized adult. It was good for her, and better for me.

The best way to do this is to ask a handful of meaningful questions. Doing this over a meal at a restaurant is a good idea. They can’t escape, and a meal has a cadence that you can use to your advantage! You will find that this will be less like an interview and more like a conversation as the more they say, the more you will want to follow-up on.

“What have you learned in your classes?”
There can be many variations of this. What was your favorite class? Who was your favorite instructor? What was the most impactful? I like knowing how they feel about what they learned. Their formal education is the commodity that you, and others, are paying for. And you can tell from the twinkle in their eye the things that get them excited and are leading to new passions.

“What are you learning from activities, and are they fun?”
Both of these things matter. My daughter has an internship, and she loves it. It isn’t just the tasks she loves. She loves that the people there have given her opportunities as she has gained their trust. What is more, she has learned that not all supervisors and co-workers are created equal. She now knows that people can manage with flexibility, compassion, and maturity – things that were new to her. Whether sports, music, drama, clubs, internships, or work, find out what your student is learning outside of the classroom and how they feel about it. This will give you a glimpse into those areas that will truly impact their experiences. And you may want to explore how they feel about their role, either as follower, team member, or leader. These will be life lessons. And if they are doing something JUST for their resume, challenge that. This usually is empty for the student and others with whom they are interacting.

“Who are the students you are closest to these days?”
The first friends are often not the last ones at college. Students often latch onto those they live near or with initially. As they spend more time on campus, they meet others from classes and activities. As they progress, they will find their people, the ones with whom they share passions, interests, and values. And you can learn a lot about how they are socially by asking about who they hang with, what they like about them, and what they do. And they will want to share and probably be surprised that this matters to you. And it should. This can be a terrific window into their hearts.

“How do you think people see you and what feedback have you gotten?”
This might make them a little vulnerable, but it can be incredibly meaningful. Of course, you need to reinforce that how they are and how they perceive themselves matters most. But you can learn a lot, and it helps them to reflect on themselves, if you ask about this. It can be reassuring for them to articulate that people like to be with them, appreciate their work, call on them in class, assign them more duties, and invite them places. It can also help them to see where maybe they can tweak some things to show they are engaged, get along well with others and can reach their social and relational potential.

“How are you different now than you were a year ago?”
Hopefully the answer will be “so different.” This is not to say that their core values will have changed. You kind of want them to be how you raised them, right? But in many cases, their values will have grown, and they will see the world with more nuance. This can be the beauty of college and is the somewhat invisible learning that matters as much as the formal and informal. It is surely fertile ground. Beyond their values, they will have evolved in terms of how they see others. They will know what kind of people are real and bring substance – or just plain fun – into their lives. They will learn what inspires them, what they like, and how they want to focus their careers or further education. And they will learn that they can make it on their own. Of course, they need you. But they are becoming independent, confident, and finding meaning in their lives.

Lastly, while it would be nice if everything was going well, if you learn that things aren’t all rosy, then you have struck gold as well. How can they get more out of their experiences? Are they in the right major? Can they find other ways to meet people? Can they get to the gym, volunteer, eat better, join a totally different club than they normally would, apply for RA, and take other safe risks? If you can’t help them navigate this, seeing a person on campus or a counselor may help them dig deeper. So, this listening thing... It can help you be a better and more informed parent. It can help your student see you as someone they can talk to about most anything. And don’t worry, you can still tell them to pick up after themselves. There will be plenty of opportunities. Believe me.

Parent Article: Covid Generation

Over the winter break I came down with a manageable case of Covid. While concerned for me, my college student -- home for the break -- was more fixated on its impact on her, and her scheduled return to college out-of-town. I found breakfast outside of my quarantine space, less out of love or ambition, I think, but more to keep me at bay. Long texts scolding me for my selfishness whenever I DID venture out were not uncommon – though someone had to walk the dog! (Generation Z students love to give feedback.)

Being a parent is hard, not just because of the challenges our students pose, but more so, because of the ones they face. It has become increasingly difficult over the past 10 to 15 years as this generation of students deals with staggering and intensifying mental health issues. Gun violence, racial strife, and political upheaval have exacerbated the crisis. Add the twin threats of the pandemic and climate change, and this is a generation of young people on the brink.

Unfortunately, recent global events may be resurrecting fears of worldwide conflict as yet another major crisis that will create incredible stress and anxiety for all of us, including our students. I have dealt with these issues as a parent of several college students and as a student life administrator for over three decades. We want to protect, to leave a better world, and ensure the happiness and success of our children.

Various historical events have shaped the experiences of many generations (WWII, the Kennedy assassination, 9/11 – to name a few). For me, the threat of nuclear war in the late Cold War era is an apt parallel. Unquestionably, the current generation of students will one day be considered the Covid Generation. Of course, this cohort of students is technically the aforementioned Generation Z (born 1997-2012, and they make up today’s traditional-aged college students. Most of us have watched as “normal” learning and milestones have been torn from them over a sustained period of time.

This pandemic has been tragic on global, national, local, and deeply personal levels. People have died and suffered in horrible and lingering ways. Everyone has been impacted in one way or another: worn a mask, had plans change, quarantined, washed the groceries, and experienced some anxiousness.

For my daughter, having any control over her return to campus, as well as not having another experience ripped from her, was understandably a priority. Climate change is no longer a far-off concept of doom and gloom. Its impact is having an effect on day-to-day lives of many on the planet as ice caps melt, sea levels rise, temperatures climb or fall to extremes, and severe weather challenges the eco-system.

How will today’s challenges shape their psyches, personalities, and relationships over time? Sociologists, psychologists, researchers, and historians will study this and deliver appropriate answers one day. But we can’t wait that long. So, what can we, as parents understand and do to try to help our students come out of these incredibly challenging and unprecedented global crises?

I spoke with Dr. Daniel Lopez, Clinical Psychologist, in San Antonio for this piece, and he offers a glimpse into what our students are dealing with.

Helplessness and Hopelessness
Dr. Lopez believes the pandemic and climate change are overwhelming young people in extreme ways. “It is a big challenge to not become helpless and hopeless.” “Covid has changed everyone’s experience, younger people in particular” says Lopez, who works a lot with Gen Z. “They are having real challenges, having events and activities postponed, seeing fewer opportunities as companies freeze or delay hiring for their particular skillsets.” Indeed, this generation has lost out on milestones, like graduations, entering college with unbridled optimism knowing that “spikes” can send or keep them home. What is more, “The challenge around climate change and impact on their future is on their minds. Many come in and are concerned about what the future holds. It can make them feel unsteady. For these younger people, it’s much like 9/11, only on grander scale.”

Normalcy and Trust
Like those who grow up in alcoholic families, today’s students don’t really know what “normal” is. They have been forced to pivot, adapt, and repeat. Additionally, they have experienced an “erosion in trust” according to Dr. Lopez. Young people witnessing a lack of tangible action related to climate change and “the disruption in democracy” may find it difficult to trust those around them, those who are in positions of authority and decision-making. Dr. Lopez also deals with those who are grieving the losses of loved ones to Covid and these losses take on an added dimension. “Beyond loss, there is worry that Covid can infect and take the lives of anyone, anytime. And this reality has added a heightened vulnerability for many.”

“Establishing trust in oneself, having confidence can be quite difficult” says Dr. Lopez. “To help those experiencing a crisis of confidence, we sometimes review their past experiences (evidence-based reasoning) to remind them of previous successes encountering and mastering challenges. This process often helps create more certainty and confidence moving forward.” Dr. Lopez notes that the “sense of normalcy is disrupted and unpredictable.” He notes that clients wonder if “this is the new normal.”

Moving Forward
So how does Dr. Lopez work to pull people back from the abyss, and how can we do the same? “It is important to develop mindfulness skills, teaching people to stay present. People sometimes futurize and worry about things well beyond their control. This is often called negative prognostication, and it can immobilize individuals. It is very helpful to encourage a focus on what can be done, today.” Dr. Lopez also works with clients on calming techniques. “Using visualization strategies, such as imagining a calm peaceful place, can help,” he says. “We often develop and rehearse a script for when people start to feel anxious: Breathing, grounding, using their senses…”

What can parents do?
How will this Covid and Climate generation be defined? Nobody knows. What we can do is try to mitigate some of the emotional devastation by building trust and striving for normalcy.

* “People look to their closest relationships and feel support there in very personal ways” notes Dr. Lopez. As family members, striving for consistency, support, and yes, normalcy, can go a long way. Relationships with other young people is really important, too, says Dr. Lopez. “Younger people were already connecting via social media and gaming, and these activities have been of help to many in supporting them through isolation.”

* People in general are more vulnerable to their own emotions, says Dr. Lopez. “Because of collective stress, people are shorter with their frustration – as we are seeing on airlines or in reports of road rage. These are symptoms of emotional stress.” Identifying ways to reduce stress, through mindfulness, exercise, and health can be important for day-to-day stability.

* Where possible, identify areas where young people can have control. There can be small wins through involvement in social and political movements and larger successes through careers and leadership in government and business.

* Acknowledge and discuss the many challenges students are facing. They are thinking about their own futures and the collective and greater good. So, talk about these things with them. Parents and family members should share their own concerns and fears and validate that this is all very real.

* This generation is more comfortable with counseling and therapy than those in the past. Encouraging young people to explore their feelings in depth with professionals is really important.

* And finally, try to offer hope. “Young people are wondering: Will I have to wear a mask forever? Is this ever going to end?” says Dr. Lopez. Offering hope that things will get better and that we can survive may be the best thing we can offer.

For my student, who was packing to return to campus, being able to go back without delay provided consistency, normalcy, and for goodness sakes – a little bit of joy. She and others in this generation has certainly earned that.

Parent Post: Closing Time

Remember all of the excitement of moving your student into the residence halls last summer? The move-out experience will probably be much different in the weeks ahead. Because of uncommon exam schedules, students trickle out over a period of several days, unlike the tightly scheduled move-in day. There simply can’t be the fanfare, staff availability, and volunteer assistance that was there at move-in. And on the heels of finals, students are tired, not amped up.

Be prepared
As someone who oversaw closing on campus over a period of decades, I can tell you it’s not just the students who are tired and a bit stressed. Aside from RA training, opening, and orientation, nothing is more time consuming than residence hall check-out for the staff. It is grueling. For student staff, they are also dealing with all of the post exam transitions of other students. Plus, they are scheduling check-outs, tracking down students, and performing inventory and damage assessments. It is demanding and exhausting. So, what can you expect around closing?

Get in their heads
Your student may have just gone through a year of great growth and development. They have learned exciting new things and met dynamic new people. They are transitioning into adulthood. Besides the stress of finals and other projects, they have recently had to make housing arrangements for next year, have had to register for fall classes, and needed to plan what they will be doing this summer – and where. In addition, they may not want to go back home. They may already be there. Students are leaving new friends and their new campus homes. Back to rules, chores, and parental oversight. Relax. It’s not you. It’s them.

They aren’t like you
You are organized and efficient. You plan ahead. You even think about what you will eat this week, oil changes, and retirement. Your student is wondering what they will wear at the last party they will go to before summer. If they were like you are now, their rooms would be packed and cleaned. What were you like at their age? You can’t blame them in many ways. They have been in survival mode and running on fumes the last couple of weeks. What they see as important and you see as important probably doesn’t match.
 
Think about the housing folks
Housing and residential life staff love what they do. And they love students. But after a long year of managing crises, maintaining order, and planning events, the break is welcome to them. Their hope (expectation may be too strong) is that students leave rooms as they found them. The campus is likely on a tight schedule to turnaround the buildings for summer occupancy. There is little time for cleaning and maintenance. They definitely prefer to end on a high note with students rather than billing them for damages and cleaning.

How can you encourage your student to have a smooth transition out of the residence halls?

Set some of your own expectations
Let your students know, well in advance, that while it is not a priority for them now, that they need to start thinking about their move-out experience. The big question issue is dealing with all of their stuff (you know, the things you bought them last summer!) Do they need storage? Are they bringing items home? Are they staying in their new town, but need to move items? These things need attention now. And you can help them make some decisions. No doubt, it will be easier for you if they have their acts together.

Encourage them, as well, to start packing a little at a time days before check-out
They will need to start scrounging for boxes, pulling out suitcases, and most importantly, start deciding what can be pitched and what they keep. If you aren’t far away, perhaps a trip to campus a week early to move out some items may be worth everyone’s time.

Set some more expectations around cleaning
Trash removal is the most important aspect of closing for students. Ask your student to pay attention to bulletin boards and newsletters that explain where to put their trash (as well as to schedule their check-out times). Often, there will be donation stations and dumpsters placed in the area. It isn’t the staff’s job to clear the room of waste. It also makes it more challenging to assess any legitimate damages.

If your student is the first out of the room, they need to take care of business and talk to the remaining roommate about doing the same. When the RA checks them out, their side of the room and public areas should be clean. If your student is the last one out, then they likely bear the burden of having the room in top condition. A cleaning crew will be going through the building, so it doesn’t require a deep clean. But the expectation will be that it should be clean enough that the custodial staff need not defrost Microfridges, remove tape from the walls, or empty drawers.

They don’t want your money. They want your cooperation.
You have no idea how tedious room damage appeals can be. Often there is a disconnect between what the parent sees on the bill and what the student tells them about how they left their room. Staff does not want to be in conflict with you. They like you! The iPhone has helped alleviate contentious issues in recent years. Pictures sent to an angry parent can often help them in redirecting that anger. In many cases, the cleaning charges are set more as a deterrent than to recover money.

Damages are a different story and parts and labor may be charged back to the student. While wear and tear can be expected, repairing blinds, holes in walls, and stained carpets can be tedious to repair, especially with the time crunch.

Remember how you expect the rooms to look in the fall? Picture that when thinking of how your student should leave the room in the spring. In summary, when cooler heads are expected to prevail, you are likely the cooler heads. Students and staff are under pressure, stressed, emotional, and tired. Help your student understand all of these dynamics, set expectations, and see how you can assist with logistics. The smoother the move-out process, the sooner you can focus on their transitions back home for the summer. And that will take some emotional energy.