Parent Post: The Truth About Hazing I used to go back-and-forth with a local sportscaster who, each season, gleefully reported on a local team’s hazing tradition of new rookies. Harmless, he said. Lighten up, he scolded. In truth, this hazing was low-level and out in the open. However, the attempts to normalize hazing, and even laud it as mere shenanigans, was dangerous because it glorified the hazing culture. That culture, often (though not exclusively) a toxic male one, can be dangerous, and has even been deadly. At minimum, with the levels of anxiety that young people experience, negatively being put in the spotlight can have devastating effects. As a former dean of students, I dealt with this issue frequently. While hazing is often associated with fraternities and sororities and athletic teams, I saw it in other groups, including, debate, drama, service clubs, and more. Often, hazing rituals are passed on as traditions. In the business, we call them habits. Bad ones. As a parent, what do you need to know? Defining hazing Hazing is typically any behavior that can create physical/mental/emotional pain, ridicule, or embarrassment, and is expected as a condition of membership. While hazing activities are sometimes presented as optional, they typically are not. The draw to be accepted n a group can be so strong, that people will put themselves in danger simply to belong. Conditions for hazing Think of the dynamics in your family, in your career, at places of worship, and in organizations and associations. None of these (should) feature hazing. There is no reason that it should be acceptable in high schools and colleges. What is more, hazing is often done in secrecy, at night, off-campus (or in houses), and is being conducted under the direction of 20-year-olds with tacit power and control. What could go wrong. To consider this in simple term, keep two main things in mind when identifying hazing behaviors. First, hazing often puts others in subservient positions. New members may be required to do homework or others, clean their residences, buy and deliver meals, and more. This has nothing to do with qualifications to be in the group. It is simply about a person in power taking advantage of a person with none. Second, hazing is almost always unrelated to conditions of membership. That is, running several miles, drinking shots of alcohol, or wearing demeaning costumes has nothing to do with that student being an effective member of the organization. Doing push-ups, unless training for an intramural tea, probably has nothing to do with being a good sorority member. Again, hazing activities have no direct connection with membership. What to do if you suspect your student is being hazed First, ensure that your student is physically safe. That could mean coaching them out of harms way, including avoiding questionable activities. Suggest that your student take the club up on the activity as optional. What is more, the only way hazing can be effective is if the group accepts it. I used to encourage new members as a group to simply not engage. The team or organization needs these new members to exist and grow. Unfortunately, students almost never seized the power. They would rationalize that it was almost over, they didn’t want to make waves, etc. As a parent, help your student really consider the ludicrous nature of hazing. Discuss the aforementioned conditions for hazing. Second, report hazing to a campus official, usually the dean of students. In most cases, there are state laws against hazing and that require it be reported, by those in groups doing the hazing, by others aware of it, and by campus administrators who are required to investigate. When reporting hazing, think about the impact on your student. I would like to say that you are doing the right thing and protecting your student and others. However, retaliation can be real and the threat of ostracism will weigh on your student. It is real. Your child went to you because they were upset and because they wanted support from someone they trust. Discuss what you can do and what you can’t with your student. Your student can file a report or you can. You can be anonymous in most cases. Just understand that you will need to offer specific information if the university is to investigate allegations. This information can “out” your student as the one reporting, so be cautious about what you disclose. Sometimes just talking to someone seeking guidance from their perspective can be enough to get them to take notice and start asking questions. What to do if your student may be in a position to haze Rather than relying on victims of hazing to take on the onus of confronting it, ideally, students in positions of leadership can be pressed upon to break the cycle of hazing. I have seen too many times the cycle of new members vowing to stop hazing on their watch. They often go up against second-year members who like the power and go all-in on hazing. Then, by their last year in the club they are not even focused on it anymore. So, what can you do? If you have a student in a leadership role, review your campus hazing policies and state laws. Share those with your student, who is probably being trained on campus and may even be signing non-hazing agreements. Mostly though, appeal to their values of treating others well and keeping them safe. In conclusion If you want to break your heart, do an internet search for college hazing incidents. The problem is, once these things are addressed, students move-on, and new students come in, hear the lore, and repeat the process anew. Institutions have to be vigilant in an effort to keep your students safe. Help them by knowing the policy and law and by having important discussions with your student. And if you are worried you are over-reacting, consider this. Where there is a little hazing visible, there is probably a lot behind-the-scenes.