PARENT SHORT: Why YOU should share your pronouns

I was a little slow to the whole pronoun thing. As a college administrator I saw the listing of pronouns when the practice emerged, and didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon, because, well, that is my general nature. But once I figured it out, I was a bit ashamed that I ever hesitated.

Using pronouns is really important to non-binary people, especially students. As a dad, I saw this playing out among my daughter and her friends. When I asked a friend of hers what their pronouns were, I apparently really scored some points. Of course, I relinquished them days later when I asked my daughter if she was wearing a bra in front of that same friend. Baby steps.

If you are cisgender (expression of your gender identity matches your biology) you may wonder why you should jump into these waters. Like me, you may think that this is not a practice necessary for your generation. Consider this:

1. It shows great respect for those who are non-binary. Using your pronouns says that you understand that this matters, and that you support those for whom this matters a lot to. It is a way to tell people they are seen, and not judged. It is an expression of ally-ship and says “yeah, I get that this matters.” You don’t need to be Black to march for Black Lives Matter. But in doing so, your intentional participation shows you are engaged. Same with pronoun usage.

2. By using your gender tags (in email signatures, Zoom labels, etc.) you are helping to normalize this practice. Normalizing may seem like a clunky term here (who is to say what is normal?), but it is critical. If only LGBTQ people are using their pronouns, they are conspicuous by simply doing so. If everyone uses pronouns, then it becomes routine and shows that all identities.

3. It doesn’t reflect that you have arrived, nor that you are doing all that you can to be a positive ally. But it does show that you are tuned in, and willing to learn and be open. What a simple and easy step on your journey to being cognizant of identity. And by using your pronouns it helps you stay attuned to others in an ongoing way.

As a parent, recognizing the identity of your child and their friends is an important way to embrace everything about them. It opens up conversations for them to share about themselves and their relationships, joys, and struggles. It is not their job to educate you, so you need not quiz them about their identities. But it opens the door to complete and meaningful relationships. Where is someone from? What is their major? What do their folks do? Those are the easy facts. How do they live their lives and see themselves? That is who they are. Show them it matters enough to you to stand beside them. Use your pronouns.