ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I have many to thank for their roles in my journey from a Hall Director to an Interim and Associate VP. and shaping me as a professional and person. So I acknowledge some of those people here. Apologies for those I have missed:

To Susan Winter, Rich Egley, Coleen Grissom, and Felicia Lee, who served as mentors and offered me their guidance, leadership, and friendship. 

To all of the colleagues I worked with in Student Affairs/Student Life over the years. So many hall directors, area coordinators, assistant and associate directors, to mention some. These people were my people. We shared incredible challenges, successes, and traumas. I could fill a book, but want to shout out Jeff Janz, Rhonda Viney, Peg Layton, Karen Pennington, Pete Neville, Gary Neal, Richard Reams, Stephen Nickle, Raphael Moffett, Ben Newhouse, Alex Serna-Wallender, Jamie Thompson, Wanda Olson, Clara Wells, Megan Kruse, Sheryl Tynes, Gage Paine, and Thurman Adkins. And maybe one hundred more.

To those who endured me in a support role, including Bonnie Trabucco, Brenda Black, Lynette Kenyon, Kris Weese, Merideth Ruiz, Leslie Orman, Ruby Contreras, Christina Castillo, and Yvonne Gonzalez. 

To all of the colleagues I worked with outside of Student Affairs. These people endured my bossiness, persistence, and successful and unsuccessful attempts at humor. Especially in meetings. These include, but are in no way limited to, John Greene, Paul Chapa, Pete Perez, Melvin McGarity, Tim O'Sullivan, Andrew Hanson, Steve DiPrima, Cory Bourg, Charles Gonzalez, Paul McGinlay, Christina Pikla, Mike Fisher, Chuck White, Bob King and his coaching staff, Fred Rodriguez, Fred Zapata, Eric Maloof, Justin Doty, Chris Nolan, Chris Ellertson, Aspen, Gonzalez, Ruben Duprtuis, Dennis Massey, Bruce Bravo, and so, so many more.

To the Trinity faculty as a whole. So many times I leaned on them to serve on committees, participate in programs, and offer there expertise. What is more, when I was working with students in distress, I knew I could talk to professors who would do everything possible to give student individual attention and support. Professor John Hermann once, of his own volition, decided to drive a student halfway to Houston to connect that student with family. 

To Rick Roberts. 

To the presidents, all of whom were very good to me and my family: Ron Calgaard, John Brazil, Dennis Ahlburg, Mike Fischer, and Danny Anderson. 

To my compadres in the Associated Colleges of the South. Deans-Like-Me gathered annually to discuss out lives in parallel universes. Some include Brit Katz, Carol Casey, Randy Hays, Steve Bisese, Jerry Brody, Tom Shandley, Dawn Watkins, Len Goldberg, Harry Shucker, and Dudley Long. 

To all of those who played noonball and IM basketball under the name of The Administrators with me. These names are memorialized on a plaque in the Bell Center citing the Noonball Hall of Fame of Basketball. I think immediately of Maury Eggen, Phil Blum, Mark Lewis, and of course, Taz. Likewise, to all of the students, faculty, and staff members who participated in my Running With the Dean program and the Dean of Students Half Marathon Challenge and Kayla Mire food drive - nearly 1,000 people in all. 

To the Dog Jurgens.

To all of the parents of Trinity University students. In various eras we communicated over list-servs and other formats and we met in receptions, at orientations, when students were in trouble, and when students were troubled. I have to acknowledge Kevin Reinis, Katie Byrnes, and Robert Foye. I always loved working with our parents, and it wasn't always easy for many of us. But the investment of time, money, and emotional energy was something I hopefully always respcted. Thank you or everything and apologies as well. 

To the Trinity alumni. So many have turned into really good friends. Without fail, regardless of our reasons for meeting, positive or negative, I feel like when we enjoy one another or meet in fly-bys, we always connect around our shared experiences. I have hugged it out with more alumni who I oversaw their firing or suspensions than I can count. And so many alumni are lifelong friends.

Likewise, to the students. The reason why I did what I did. I like to think I was student-centered, in small individual ways, and in administrative and policy decision-making. The members of ASR, SGA, Student Court, Student Conduct Board, those who served as the wonderful Resident Assistants of Trinity University, and all of our awesome babysitters. I love you all for our time in the trenches and lifelong relationships. And to the many students who were so bright, fun, engaging, and touched my life in ways big and small. And finally to the souls we lost among them. Nearly twenty students passed when I was here and the weight of each loss compounded the loss of each before it. Students don't come to college... parents don' send their kids to college... to die. I thank those families who allowed me to journey along side hem in very personal terms and vulnerable times. 

To the Hall Director staff at SUNY New Paltz who let me in and brought me joy, includiung Christine Wilson, Teresa Brown, Robin Parr, Rachel Harris, Britt Lindhom, Fatima deCarvalho, Patrick Tremblay, Patrick Eye, and Jeanine Belton.

To Brit Katz abd the team at Southwestern University who brought me on as an Interim VP for Student Life. It was the perfect encore and curtain call and gave me my mojo back. Shelley Story, Bri Pierce, Evan Alexander, Col Roche, Anna Castillo, Jeff Doyle, Malissa Ismaila, Sergio, Ron Swain, Stefanie Alvarez, and Sonia Miranda. I loved our year together. You were so committed, so good, and so damn fun.

To the Southwestern faculty and staff who accepted me in my interi term after my Trinity retirement. I loved my staff colleagues and the faculty members, as at Trinity, were outstanding. 

And finally, to my wife, Donna Tuttle. She married a Residential Life Coordinator, moved to Texas, worked part-time and raised the kids while I worked and was away at many weekend and nighttime activities and crises. Not sure she anticipated all that.

She had to pretend to be interested when people said good things about me. She supported me when they were mean. She sacrificed, lived on campus where she raised our family, and was, and is, the foundation of the family including four children and now a few grandchildren. She helped me when my confidence and sel-doubt were at my lowest. That was a lot of times. I love her so much.

There is no me without all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

THE END

Dean Grissom made a living of being an outstanding orator and writer. I had things to say, but could never do it her way, so I didn't.

As a Dean of Students I thought the worst thing I could do was be unknown to students. Overseeing the RAs, advising student government, and running the student conduct boards gave me a running start. The Dean of Students Half Marathon Challenge was another way to meet groups of students as was the Grief Group. I also had endless encounters with students going through highs and lows and built many strong and lasting relationships with the as they are now alumni.

I wanted something else, though. So I started by writing columns in the Trinitonian. Dr. Grissom once made a remark about them that made me think she didn't like them. I think it may have been my writing skills, but some things are better left alone, so I never asked.

I did several TV shows on Tiger TV including The YASR Show and Who Sole That Train. The former a live call in show, still in the era of landlines. (Somewhat relatedly, for the future though, I recorded video interviews with several Trinity elders. I hope these are uncovered one day in the bowels of University Archives -- currently their whereabouts are unknown.) 

I felt like I hit my stride with the Dean's List blog. I could tell the Trinity story my way, and informally. Perhaps when another volume tome of Trinity University is written (probably by a robot) the blog will provide some unique and unofficial perspectives. After retiring, I did some writing for parent publications and have preserved those as well

So, I have archived my Trinitonian posts, my blog, parent articles, some pieces related to my departure, and even my resume, in four separate volumes, which I have for now. (Two volumes gifted to me by my staff when I retired, a third volume that includes missed posts and parent articles, and a fourth with my Trinitonian columns and glory pieces (about leaving). These will go to my son Nathan one day, and maybe, if anyone else cares, to the Trinity University library. He'll know what to do.

I am grateful to the presidents and vice presidents (save one) who allowed me the freedom and space to write about hat I wanted to, the way I wanted to. I am grateful to my staff, who offered abundant technical support. I owe much to my many friends and colleagues who proofread my posts (some ultimately not published as a result, and some seriously altered.) I am forever grateful to my wife Donna, a journalism and english savant. Like Dr. Grissom, I am not sure she loved me doing this and laying myself (and my family and others) bare with transparency, vulnerability, and authenticity. She never let me off the hook with her opinions and told me what I didn't want to hear on many occasions. As with everything else in our relayionship, she knew what I needed. She saved me from myself.

Finally, I want to acknowledge everyone who let me write about them and their stories - most often about  resilience and redemption. Professor Bob Blystone, on his retirement once responded to some glowing statement I made about Trinity University. He said "What is Trinity University? It isn't real. It's the people here that are real and make this place what it is." 

Thank you, Trinity University.  

Rest in Peace Coleen Grissom

January 9, 1934 - January 28, 2024

Dr. Coleen Grissom was there for me at the beginning, at Trinity University, and I was humbled to be there for her, at the end, as one of her eulogists, following her passing in 2024. My remarks are below.

The final time I spoke to Coleen was when I called last month to wish her a happy birthday. We got into a bit of a disagreement over how old she was. She won, of course, but for the first time, I think, I was right.

It doesn’t matter. I always thought she was the same age, from the day I met her, until the day she died. That’s why even though everybody dies, I just always figured she would get an exception. Coleen often used to quote Mark Twain, saying: I hate it when people say nice things about me, because it is never enough.

Well, Coleen, I’ve been given three minutes. As you’d say: “I better get crackin’.” Funny that we never ever said it to one another, but Coleen and I really loved each other. I also always suspected she loved my wife, Donna, even more, because, well, that’s what she regularly told me. Mind you, Donna’s favorite Coleen quote was: Men, you can’t live with them – so I don’t.

My personal friend, my professional mentor, I worked with Coleen for over ten years and was her friend for over 30. Indeed, I was hired by her twice and promoted by her twice. The second time she hired me was in 1994 after a two-year hiatus. I often spoke of the poor, poor soul who would unwittingly have to follow Dean Grissom in her rather large footsteps. In 1999 she called me into her office and said she would be stepping down in a year and promoting me to Dean of Students. As a savvy professional, my response was what one would expect. I said: “But I don’t want to be the Dean of Students.” Our negotiations were brief. She simply said: “It will be fine.” And it mostly was.

Dr. Grissom was the most influential mentor in my life. In my work, I live by her values about being authentic, transparent, and vulnerable. Other things she role modeled, or taught me, included being comfortable with ambiguity, taking safe risks, being assertive, when to use humor (a work in progress), the importance of expressing gratitude, and of course, and maybe most importantly, eschewing the passive voice.

She was mission and student centered – and if you wanted to work for her, you better darn well be too. Most impressively, Dr. Grissom was a social justice champion well before her time. In her speeches to parents of incoming students, she would often say: if you are narrow-minded, racist, sexist, or homophobic – and junior is a chip off the old block – then maybe this isn’t the right place for him or you.

Coleen loved people or made them think she did. She knew how to get almost anything done -- or to let someone overcharge her to do it. If you were lucky enough to be seated as a guest at a dinner table with Coleen, it was a relief, as you knew you wouldn’t have to do any of the conversational lifting.

In the first full staff meeting of the division I ever attended, the icebreaker from Dean Grissom was to have the veterans go around and offer a word of advice on how to best work with her. Pete Neville said: “Just remember, whenever Coleen is joking, she is also telling the truth.”

I wish someone had also warned to never say to her “can I give you some feedback.” When I did that, the only time, early in my career, she simply said: “Do I seem like someone who takes feedback?” Noted. But I do think we got along so well, because by-and-large, we agreed about everything.

We all know that Dr. Grissom was an exceptional orator. She told me more than once that she used to feel like throwing up before every speech. I trust her on that, though I can’t believe it. She worked for hours, pouring over every word, phrase, sentence, and detail. And she practiced. A lot. She knew she was good. Whenever I complimented her on her speeches, she would often reply: “I’m something, aren’t I?”

When she told me she was writing a book with all of her speeches, and then published two follow-ups, I thought it was a bit of hubris at the time, but of course she knew what she was doing. Coleen took a little bit from each of us, and gave us so much in return. These books see to that. I am so grateful for them. At one point she said to me, in compiling her speeches “who did I think I was?” But then she laughed. She knew.

I can say confidently, that bar none, she was the wittiest person I have ever known. Coleen would often narrate her thoughts, such as: “I’m at least somewhat bright, have a sensational sense of humor, and terrific hair.”

I saved some of my favorite notes and emails she sent me while I worked for her. Here are just a few things she wrote me:

 - In responding to an email draft I wrote: “I would urge you to make these final corrections in grammar: one does not begin noun clauses with subordinating conjunctions… (this went on for a while). I think you should use “I” instead of “we” in all those sentences following paragraph two, which should be “us” as with the last paragraph. Gee, I think it would have taken less time for me to write this myself.”

- And again, having not learned my lesson, she made it even clearer, in her edits to me: “At the very end, since you do not have a tapeworm and are not pregnant, use I instead of we.”

- Another: “Sandy dropped me off early to the movie so I had to loiter around the theater and was afraid people would think I was a prostitute – instead I was mistaken for a homeless person. But that’s another story.”

- And finally, she always closed her speeches with some quotes from others, so I chose these. Doing this, by the way, is not my drift, so apologies for my poor cadence. But these are for her after all:

-  From CS Lewis, this is a quote she often cited: “Use French when you don’t know the English word for a thing. Walk with your toes out, and remember who you are.” (I had to have her explain that to me more than one, by the way.)

-  From Author Margaret Atwood about Coleen: “If more were like her the world would be a much better-read place It would also be funnier, smarter, more compassionate, and dare I say, even quirkier than it is. Everyone who knows Ms. Grissom has been improved by the experience. Though not always in the ways they expected.”

- From Keep Me in Your Heart by Warren Zevon
Shadows are fallin’ and I’m running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There’s a train leavin’ nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for a while

- Last, from the conclusion of her farewell speech as an administrator to colleagues in April 2000:

“So here it comes, once more with feeling y’all: don’t you dare run off screaming into the woods. Hang in. Learn to laugh at absurdity. Don’t let anyone make you a victim, don’t perceive yourself as a victim, and don’t you dare victimize anyone else. Become, for God’s sake all that you are capable of being. Keep yourself from taking that dreadful plunge off that cliff and while you are at it, keep an eye out for others and assist them when you can. I will always hope and pray that you will take with you, when you leave this place, Trinity University, a healthy respect and belief in yourself as well as respect for others, even those very different from you. I am hoping you will become a good writer and a true friend. I am counting on it. Lord how I love this place. I thank you. I love you. I wish you all Godspeed.”