End Game

Nardin House - 1980

I have never really left college, though I did graduate some 30 years ago. This summer I joined one of my old peer groups for their annual weekend camping trips. Indeed, a great deal of conversation over the  weekend was around the topic of whether or not I had invited myself. I did, sort of, but I had a standing invitation to the upper mid-west from my friend Nep, who lives in Madison, where we all attended college together. This year the event was held at the new old farm house just over the Minnesota border to Wisconsin and owned by our friend  Rucksie. So that seemed manageable to me as someone who didn't want to fly in for a mere camping trip. Also there, was regular attendee, Wolfie, who lives in the Twin Cities near Rucksie.

It is amazing and comforting to be among people who knew you when you were maturing into an adult. (Maturing being a relative concept here.) I was surprised to learn of some of the quotes and stories these guys had been sharing about me over campfires for the past 30 years. I had forgotten much, and in some cases still didn't remember. But I had my own stories to tell as well, to bring a fresh perspective. The four of us had a terrific time

What I found were - at their core - the same friends who were great at listening, were warmhearted, successful, and compassionate. It was such a pleasure to catch up and to relive the college days and hear of new lives. Some of the memories were painful as we discussed friends we lost not long after graduating. And some were sentimental as we discussed other friends and where they were now.

This all was against the back-drop of some of the most biting, sarcastic, brutal, and hilarious ribbing and commentary I have experienced in years. Part of the comfort of being with old college friends is the speed at which you can resume acting like, well, college students. In addition, it seems that

wiener jokes and potty-humor never get old (one declared himself the "fart-king" of the weekend - a new champion apparently). We all noted at various times that we were professionals and family men. But still, when someone inexplicably falls off his chair in slow-motion (yelling "incoming"), or another describes a recent bathroom trip in detail, the tenor of the conversation and subsequent re-telling of new memories take on their own lives. So yes, we were connected by having deep -- and not so deep -- conversation as we slid back into familiar roles and  as we established new ones. One challenge for my friends to deal with was that I was committed to naps and chocolate. They buried me mercilessly for following the NBA draft at the campfire. To my horror, though, I learned that none of these friends understood any references to current music, Breaking Bad, or Game of Thrones. They seemed to prefer chores.

I love working with college students. Not just because they keep me current with pop-culture. For me, the strong friendships I made, then, have never faded. (And I am glad to have the peripheral ones have been revived thanks to Facebook, by the way.)

Nep, Wolfie, Rucksie. A-mid-wives!

This particular group of friends formed on my dorm floors my first two years at UW. Another group grew from my time as an RA in Ogg Hall. What blessings. And so it is gratifying as I see some of our own students find the same. Whether through their residence hall friends and roommates, athletic teams, theater, fraternities and sororities, course work and research, many find some of the same connections I did. I hope so anyway.

Today, most of our students find themselves at the beginning... of college, or the rest of their lives. Many wonder what comes next. Maybe just as important, they should think about what comes last. Along with selecting majors, going to graduate school, and finding jobs, something else will hopefully endure: The friendships. Before they know it, they will look up one day and remember when it all started. And where it led. To the end game.