The Second Most Interesting Man in the World Comes to Trinity

I once had to give away Trinity car flags to get people to read my blog. Imagine how flattered I was when Trinity President Dennis Ahlburg suggested I write a post about Salman Rushdie, who will be speaking on campus on November 7, 2011. I have to confess, all I really know about Salman Rushdie is that he angered Islamic extremists and had to hide in England, presumably among the Muggles.

The President suggested I look up the prominent author on Wikipedia, which I was actually writing down right before he said it. I believe he sized-up my academic research capabilities and wanted to extend me a starter kit. I am a little offended, although my search quickly led me to a site called Scribol and a post entitled Taylor Swift Looks Like a Blow-Up Doll. Which I guess means the President over-estimated me.

Dos Equis has decided to speak for all of us in identifying the most interesting man in the world. He played Jai-Alai and has a pet cougar, which means most of us are two steps behind right out of the gate. So if students aren't already planning on seeing Salman Rushdie, they should consider this:. Salman Rushdie may be the second most interesting man in the world.

Let's cut to the chase. First off, he was married to -- and then divorced -- someone one Web page describes as follows:

Padma Lakshmi and Salman Rushdie have announced their impending divorce. Padma is a hot Indian actress and model. Salman is the Nobel* Prize-winning author for a controversial book. The divorce was her idea, and you can understand why she wanted to split. She is 24 years younger and a Bollywood-style celebrity who enjoys the limelight. He is a reserved author with a death threat hanging over his head which pushed them into hiding. They seem like oil and water together so this divorce was inevitable.

*Turns out he has a Booker Award and not a Nobel Prize. If you can't believe "Right Celebrity" who can you trust anymore?

Wow. Where do we begin? Google him and you find entries for Salman Rushdie's Wife. That's what we call "a lead." She is hot and 24-years-younger, and he is a Booker Prize winning author who had a fatwa declared against him. A fatwa (in this case)  is like a hit - but anyone is welcome to execute it. No pun intended. Padma was his fourth wife and she married him while he was under the fatwa. Imagine: "We just don't ever do anything. All you want to do is stay at home and live. Like, how boring." She won't be a model forever. But he will always have his Booker. He's better off.

All of this presents reason number two to go see him. HE HAD A FATWA DECLARED AGAINST HIM! He wrote a book, called the Satan Diaries (or something like that), and long story short, it was maybe blasphemous, and a guy named Ayatollah Khomeini declared our lecturer must die. Talk about a tough critic. It's sorta like the anonymous posters on my blog.

My research, incidentally, also taught me that Salman Rushdie wrote a previous book that is described this way:

Midnight's Children (1981) is in part the story of a baby who was not only the result of an extramarital affair, but who was then switched at birth with a second illicit child. The hero of the novel is doubly removed from his true patrimony: His mother's husband is not his father, and the Englishman with whom his Indian mother slept—who his mother thinks is his father—is not his real father either. In addition, the hero is caught between the two great religions of Indian, Islam and Hinduism, neither of which he can claim as his own. Finally, he spends his life being shunted back and forth by circumstance between the Indian republic and its antithesis, Pakistan.

This begs the question: Why so long for the fatwa? Anyway, it is a big deal to have a fatwa plunked on you because only the fatwa-er can rescind it, and in this case, that person is deceased so the fatwa can never be rescinded. But, apparently the fatwa has been called off in spirit, though not before people who translated the book in several languages were killed for said translations. Meanwhile, Salman Rushdie is teaching at Emory.

Still not convinced to go to the lecture? How about this. Salman Rushdie is going to have his own TV show. He has done research by watching a show called Game of Thrones for homework. And here is how he describes it:

"It was garbage, yet very addictive garbage - because there's lots of violence, all the women take their clothes off all the time, and it's kind of fun. In the end, it's well produced trash, but there's room for that too."

What frat is HE in? I think it is VERY possible that late on November 7 our speaker will end up in some dorm room watching HBO with sophomores, sipping brandy, and talking trash about Emory students.

Have I mentioned that he is a Knight? More accurately he is a Knight Bachelor, which sounds even cooler.

All that aside, Salman Rushdie is a highly-regarded author and that should be reason enough to go see him. I will go see him because for one afternoon he led me down an exhilarating Internet search path that went like this: "Is Olivia Wilde still Pretty without Make-up?" (Who is Olivia Wilde?) "Mila Kunis Sexy in South Africa." (Yawn.) "Video of game-show Uranus blooper." Bingo!

Most can only dream about ever making "the most interesting man" list. More likely, November 7 will be as close as we will ever get. Come join me. And Salman.