Risky Business

Sophomore Robert Foye, 19, passed away late in January 2018 after inhaling nitrous oxide from canisters called "whippets." He was beginning the spring semester of his sophomore year and had just communicated his excitement, and optimism for the new term to his dad, Robert Sr. It wasn't even a given Robert would return that January. Substances, including alcohol, had gotten the best of him during his time as a student. But Robert was hard to say "no" to. He came back with a detailed plan to get it right.

Robert became known to staff on campus following a series of alcohol-related issues. Despite this, he was an extremely positive and engaging young man. He was full of life and had a huge personality.  He was well-traveled, bright, and driven. His family worked with me as the Dean of Students, and even more with Robert's Residential Life Coordinator, Nathan Tuttle, my son. Nathan and Robert's mom, Kristianna, had regular conversations about how we could help her son. Things had gotten bad enough that Robert lost his privileges to live on campus. This is highly unusual. But it was decided that while Robert and campus living were not compatible, we all wanted to see him try to continue his education while he tackled some of the substance issues that plagued him. This simply wouldn't have happened save for the extraordinary involvement and support of Robert's parents.

During the first face-to-face meeting between the Foye's (Robert  and Robert Sr.) and the Tuttle's we laid out the plan for Robert's recovery and success. It was evident that Robert Sr., despite living in Shanghai, would be fully engaged in monitoring Robert's academic progress and physical and emotional health. Robert Sr., as was his son, is charismatic, affable, fun-loving, driven, and has a huge heart. While some parents might be mad at the Dean for kicking their kid off campus, Robert Sr. never expressed such sentiments. He was all forward-looking and focused on what would come next for Robert. Without that, we wouldn't have made that arrangement.

At that same meeting Mr. Foye mentioned that he and his son were headed to the Trinity gym to play basketball. An avid hoops junkie, he travels with basketball shoes and a ball hoping to find a game,  anywhere, as a respite from the wine wholesaling business. Well, the Dean and his son play a little ball and we asked if we could join in. So the administrators, the troubled student, and the traveling dad formed a bond over games of two-on-two, a ritual we would continue whenever Senior would travel to San Antonio to keep up with his son.

When Robert was out of contact for two days in late January, Robert Sr. reached out to Nathan who stopped by the apartment and received no response. Robert Sr. contacted the apartment manager who checked in on Robert and made the horrible discovery that he had passed. Robert Sr.'s first call was to Nathan, who then called me. He was in shock, and so were we.

Robert Sr., I should note, is a confident basketball player and a bit of a trash talker. At the campus service for his son the following week he noted how the Foye's never lost to the Tuttle's. Indeed, the one constant in all of the pairings we tried on the court was that Robert Sr. never lost. Of course, he is huge, and bristled at my nickname for him (Chuck Nevitt) as he saw himself as more of a Kobe Bryant style player. The man can shoot. At the service he thought it was too somber and wanted to add some levity by needling me for being bested by him to lift spirits of those in attendance, because of course he would.

Robert's mom and siblings are devastated. Robert Sr.'s grief is intense, and lingering, and he misses his son dearly. But he is also a person who looks ahead and his positive nature is not of the kind that can be constrained. There were some things Mr. Foye wanted to see happen after his son's death. First, he wanted us to create a policy to ban whippets. This is in the works. Second, he wanted us to warn students about the dangers of risky behaviors, including use of these canisters. He has doggedly pursued companies that make access to these items to let them know of the tragic risks they pose. And third, he wanted to set up a scholarship in Robert's name.

While the staff could try to share Robert's story with students we knew there was really only one way to do it. We asked Mr. Foye to do a video (above) and gave him a rough outline. His son William produced it. This was shown for the first time at the orientation for new students in 2018. It was part of a session about student health and safety ("Triage)" that included information on alcohol, sexual assault, mental health, and more. It is sad, impactful, and still has a positive message. The video starts the program and is an attention grabber. It will be used for years to come. The scholarship fund is nearing its goal from Robert Sr.'s sheer willpower. He hopes to raise $100,000 by October for an endowed Trinity Scholarship in Robert's name.

Knowing full well that their son took risks, Mr. and Mrs. Foye want others to stop and think about their choices. They don't want any student and their family to endure what they are going through. For Robert Sr., the video doesn't diminish his pain, but he is pushing forward the only way he knows how, with guts, action, and his big personality. He is doing everything he can to flip his loss. That's all he knows.  

Donations can be made to the Robert Lawrence Foye Scholarship Foundation on PayPal.